Practice like a Stoic: 49, Speak just the facts about others

Don’t jump to conclusions before you judged others

Drinking at an ancient Roman taberna, by Midjourney.

[This series of posts is based on A Handbook for New Stoics—How to Thrive in a World out of Your Control, co-authored by yours truly and Greg Lopez. It is a collection of 52 exercises, which we propose reader try out one per week during a whole year, to actually live like a Stoic. In Europe/UK the book is published by Rider under the title Live Like A Stoic.Below is this week’s prompt and a brief explanation of the pertinent philosophical background. Check the book for details on how to practice the exercise, download the exercise forms from The Experiment’s website, and comment below on how things are going. Greg and/or I will try our best to help out! This week’s exercise is found at pp. 281-282 of the paperback edition.]

“If a man wash quickly, do not say that he washes badly, but that he washes quickly. If a man drink much wine, do not say that he drinks badly, but that he drinks much. For until you have decided what judgment prompts him, how do you know that he acts badly? If you do as I say, you will assent to your apprehensive impressions and to none other.” (Epictetus, Enchiridion, 45)

Epictetus reminds us that we often don’t know enough about other people’s motives—or their personal history—to arrive at reasonable judgments, and that we’re far too prone to judge people anyway. He offers both theoretical and practical advice to counter this tendency. From a theoretical perspective, sure, the guy who just cut in front of you on the highway may be a jerk, but perhaps he is running to the hospital because his wife is delivering a baby and he doesn’t want to miss out on such an important event in his life. Or maybe he really does feel entitled to cut ahead of others, but that’s a result of some serious issues he has been carrying around for decades and hasn’t yet resolved. In this case perhaps a better attitude toward him would be compassion. The point is, you just don’t know. Because there are so many factors in every situation that we can’t possibly know, the ethical thing to do is to simply suspend judgment. Critics of Stoicism often say that this sort of advice makes us into pushovers or losers. It does no such thing! If some injustice is being perpetrated, the Stoic virtues of courage and justice kick in, and we’re compelled to intervene. But if it’s simply a matter of taking a charitable view of others, how is that, exactly, going to harm you?