Practice like a Stoic: Introduction

Your best bet about happiness is the Stoic one

Back in 2019 my friend Greg Lopez and I published a book that is still, insofar as I know, unique: A Handbook for New Stoics—How to Thrive in a World out of Your Control (The Experiment). It is a collection of 52 exercises, which we propose reader try out one per week during a whole year, to actually live like a Stoic. (In Europe/UK the book is published by Rider under the title Live Like A Stoic.)

In the series of posts we are starting today I will propose one such exercise every Monday, and interested readers will discuss with me and Greg—who has agreed to participate to the project—their progress or difficulties. The goal is to try out all the exercises and then come up with a shorter list of practices that one can keep doing, potentially for the rest of their lives, in the attempt to become a better human beings in the sense outlined by Stoic philosophy.

Here is how it’s going to work. Beginning next Monday I will post the passage, from one of the ancient Stoics, that constitutes the original source for the exercise, followed by a brief discussion of its meaning. Interested readers will then look at the second part of the pertinent chapter in the book and actually carry out the exercise Monday through Saturday. On Sunday they will get a break and use the time to write down their impressions about the exercise and whether it’s a keeper for the future or not.

While I cannot, for obvious reasons, provide you with the full chapter, you can download free worksheets for each exercise from the publisher’s website. And both Greg and I will provide feedback throughout the week to assist you in your progress as well as we can (post open to everyone, comments only to sustaining subscribers).

This week I am going to transcribe part of the Introduction to the book, which discusses the rationale for the whole thing. Enjoy!

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There are many things that we want and events we want to happen. We want to lose weight, get a raise, be liked by the people around us. Yet for many of us these desires never materialize, and we’re left feeling inadequate, frustrated, and stuck. And it can get worse—for all of us. Things we specifically don’t want actually do happen, ranging from trivialities (getting stuck in traffic) to more serious events (illness and aging). Getting what we don’t want can be just as painful as not getting what we do want, and often more so. However painful this is, we keep on placing the same bad bets, staking our happiness and well-being on things outside our control through a cosmic roll of the dice.

What if we were able to train ourselves to desire only things that are firmly within our control? Then, in a very real sense, we’d always get what we want, and never get what we don’t want. Our happiness would never spill, since the cup of our desires is reliable and holds firm.

The fundamental question, then, is: What is in our complete control? What’s the sure bet?

The unreliability of obtaining certain goals—such as wealth, health, and other people’s praise—is one of many common problems. Often, even when we’re lucky and achieve these ends, we’re still left wanting.

Many of us can see this in our own life. We eat great food without even noticing the taste. When we do savor it, the pleasure quickly fades and is forgotten. We have to shift the positions to remain comfortable on a nice new sofa, which will become stained and worn with time. Status is nice when we get it, but we’re often left wanting more. We get a new car that we love at first, but soon take for granted. We may succeed in starting a business, but protecting our assets and growing the company cause us to lose sleep. We can be head over heels for our romantic partner today, but may grow irritated by their habits with time. Many of the things we pursue don’t satisfy—and can’t provide lasting happiness.

Even if we achieve the objects of our transient desires, it doesn’t guarantee we will use them well. What determines their good use is the character of who’s using them. People with poor character put external advantages—money, fame, the U.S. presidency—to bad use. Those with good character will use what they have, no matter how limited, for the benefit of themselves and others. If they endure hardship, or if the cosmic dice roll snake eyes for them, a good character will help them persevere.

Here is the great insight of the ancient philosophy of Stoicism: Shaping your character is ultimately the only thing under your control. So in order to exploit your good luck and cope with the bad luck, it is necessary to be a good person. Through a combination of rational introspection and repeated practice, you can mold your character over the long term.

Betting on your own improvement is a guaranteed win with the biggest payoff. The goal of this series of posts is to help you collect.

The Stoics, and Epictetus of Hierapolis (50-135 CE) in particular, recommend living our life by practicing three disciplines: desire, action, and assent. The 52 exercises that we will explore together are organized around these three disciplines, with weekly practices that will help you master each.

The Discipline of Desire teaches us what is best to want (or to avoid): What should our goals be? Where do we channel our energy, time, and resources? The Discipline of Action shows us how to act in the social sphere: How should we behave toward others? And the Discipline of Assent helps us arrive at correct judgments about obstacles that life throws at us: Should we be angry at this person? Should we indulge in that pleasure?

Stoicism is roughly one part theory and nine parts practice. The Stoics were very clear that understanding the philosophy (not that difficult) without putting it to use is a waste of time and energy. Epictetus said, “If you didn’t learn these things in order to demonstrate them in practice, what did you learn them for?” (Discourses, I.29.35)

So next week we will tackle the first exercise, focused on understanding what is and is not up to us, and which will be our introduction to the Discipline of Desire.